Hair-brained Schemes

I am, and have always been, the master of hair-brained schemes.

For example, when I was nine years old, I thought it would be a great idea to write a short story and submit it for a Reading Rainbow writing contest. I wrote the story about a tree in our front yard that had a bird's nest in it. The neighbors always complained about this tree and asked us many times to cut it down. I took a stand against this and told my parents I would not let them cut down the tree, because of the disruption it would cause to the birds, and low-and-behold that tree still stands in our front yard today. That story won Honorable Mention.

That was not enough for me. The next year, I was 10 (and in a new category of 10-12 year olds), and I wrote another story. This one was about a girl named Elle who lived on the planet Venus and was very spoiled. For her birthday one year, her parents got her a trip to Earth via private spacepod. She boarded her pod, petulant and proud. However, while in space the pod had a mechanical failure and Elle was forced to do an emergency ejection from the pod. She floated around space for a few days, meeting with various constellations (Taurus, for example, told her that it was unwise to be stubborn -- he knew from experience) and talking black holes who taught her lessons about graciousness. Finally, after floating around for many days, she lost any hope that she would ever return home. She cried softly to herself, and suddenly Andromeda appeared to give her a little speech about being kind to everyone, gave her a star-filled hug, and escorted her back to her home planet.

That was a first place story, folks. Finally, victory was mine.

When I was 11, I took it upon myself to apply for a DJ gig at a local children's radio station, called Radio Aahs. Without telling my parents, I put together a collection of my successes: writing samples of my two winning stories, an edition of the "6th Grade Express" newspaper that I had edited. I also typed a resume, as best I knew how, on the typewriter, and mailed the packet in. It was about one month later that I received a letter that invited me to come to Planet Hollywood to audition in front of a panel of celebrity judges. I remember going to my dad, handing him the letter, and saying, "Dad, can you please drive me to Planet Hollywood on this day to audition to be a radio DJ?" The look on his face was priceless - it was a stunned look, mixed with pride and amusement. I got that job, and worked at Radio Aahs for quite some time. But that is another story altogether...

Last week, I devised another hair-brained scheme. I emailed HGTV to be on one of their shows, Property Virgins. Brian and I have been looking to buy a house for a few months now, and every time I view a house I narrate what I am seeing, like, "Oh this bathroom is nice. I like how it has double sinks, then Brian and I wouldn't have to share. Ohhh, this master bedroom is nice. Lots of light, but not enough closet space, etc." I just figured Brian and I would be shoe-ins for this show. And, would you believe it, they called me the next day!

So Sunday evening two nice ladies with a camera came from HGTV to our apartment and interviewed us on camera. They will show this to the Executive Directors and they will let us know this week if they will be featuring us on HGTV! Now, while I have detailed a few hair-brained schemes above that have been successful, I must say that many of my schemes are not. So, by no means am I expecting to be chosen for this show. But, it sure would be funny if we were!

I'll keep you posted!