Transitions: The Continuing Education of Adulthood

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.”
-Isaac Asimov

Adulthood is about contending with transitions.

Granted, childhood is about transitions too, but there is something about being an adult that makes transitions seem pretty…complex. It is not just about things like your parents moving across the country and having to start a new life, change schools, make new friends, and it is not just about being a child dealing with divorcing parents. While I have dealt with all of those transitions, and they were much harder than most of the little transitions I deal with periodically in my adult life, as an adult I am responsible for more than just myself -- and that makes the transitions of adulthood much more complicated than the those of my youth.

As an adult I responsible for my family, my relationship, my pets, my rent payment, my student loan payments, the upkeep of my savings, my health and wellness (including feeding myself and exercising), my career choices, the work I produce at my job, paying tuition, my graduate coursework, and getting up every morning (even though I am exhausted most of the time) to do it all again while trying to remain a positive and upbeat person.

So, when it comes time for a transition, I feel the responsibilities I have precariously (but mostly comfortably) balanced for so many years become unstable. Transition can mean uncertainty, and as an adult, uncertainty is scary and exhilarating all at once.

I try to think that the fates have lead me on a certain path so that I can learn as many lessons as possible and continue to evolve as a person. In the midst of the hardest transitions, this is what I try to remember, and then no matter what the outcome, I am content in the fact that I'm still learning.

What about you Adulthooders? What are some of your thoughts on transitions? How have you learned to cope/deal/handle/celebrate transitions? Do the transitions ever get easier?

For more dialogue about transitions, check out this oldie-but-goodie guest post by The Fickle Nickle’s Nicole Carpenter: All I Need to Know, I Learned in Pre-School

Keep thinking, keep trying, keep learning,

-Mara

{Photo courtesy of the wonderfully talented Pete Tomaszek. Contact me for more info on his photography.}

Wordless Wednesday: Adulthood is Complicated

-Morgan

(photo by me!)

Notes On Adulthood: August 09

Every day we learn something....Making most of these lessons is how we keep growing....

1. The things that give me the most road rage when I am driving, can be the things that make me laugh the most when I am the passenger. I especially like when people blatantly cut a car off and look so serious and sleepy when they are doing it.

2. This week I took a look at my priorities and realized I don't do that enough. Look at what you are spending the most time and energy on in your life and make sure that you want it that way.

3. Don't rely on cell phone cameras for anything important.

And from my husband..

4. Make sure you already have your belt and watch off when you go through the security line at the airport.

What did you learn this week?

-Morgan

Photo by bradleygee via flickr

Guest Blog: Rated "R" Movies and the Quest for Adulthood

"To me, in my 13 year-old brain, seeing this movie is what being a grown-up meant."

Rated "R" Movies and the Quest for Adulthood

By Lukus Williams

The A.V. Club is where the cool, smarmy kids (like me!) go to read insightful ruminations on entertainment media of all types. After scrutinizing the latest review of a movie or album with the acuity of my liberal arts education, I often race to the comments section to see what other like minded readers have gleaned from a reviewer’s unabashed praise of a movie like “Inception” or the total smackdown of “The Last Airbender.”

Like any other blog, large or small, the life is in the comments section – which is the inspiration for the A.V. Club’s AVQ&A series, where staff and readers discuss pop-culture question of high substance.

This week’s AVQ&A just so happened to invade Welcome To Adulthood territory:

I was 10 or 11 when the Atom Egoyan movie Exotica came out, and I remember being really intrigued by it. It seemed, in my mind, to be this sophisticated, adult movie—the kind of thing real grow-ups watched instead of action films and romantic comedies. I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to watch it. Are there any similar cultural items which represented “adulthood” to you as a child? And did you ever check them out? If so, how did they play to your expectations? I eventually rented Exotica as a 19-year-old, and found it kind of boring. –Kristen

At various stages of my youth, there were always different movies that appeared as a marker of adulthood to me.

When I was in the first grade, the lady who babysat me had a son in fifth grade named Ryan. Ryan liked to regale me of his tales of being a fifth grader, how he got to play on the cooler side of the playground, and of course how freaking awesome Terminator 2: Judgment Day was. My mom, of course, wasn’t going to ever let me watch it. I did everything I could to see the movie, I even worked to make enough to buy a ticket for me and my dad to both go, but still I was denied.

It wasn’t until I was 11 years old that I was able to see the film, and you know what? Ryan was totally right, it is freaking awesome. Best Terminator movie still, to date – and Ryan was right on his second point, the movie was totally cooler than RoboCop ever was.

Not wanting a repeat of this Terminator fiasco, I longed for a clever plan to see Starship Troopers two years later. Mark, a 14 year-old god amongst the rest of my 12-13 year-old group of friends had managed to see the R-rated movie without a parent, and told us we needed to see it. Following his advice, we went to a matinee on a weekday where the old man who sells tickets barely cared enough to take our money, let alone check how old we were.

To me, in my 13 year-old brain, seeing this movie is what being a grown-up meant. The main characters were cool, they cussed, they shot giant bugs in outer space and oh… there were boobs. Thanks to a shower scene and a sex scene, my teenage mind was forever changed!

Looking back, Starship Troopers is a terrible movie. It’s a very poor adaptation of its source material. The entire thing is simply bad, even for a pulpy sci-fi flick. And while I’d like to believe I’ve totally outgrown the idea that seeing dudes blowing up aliens is a sign of adulthood and manliness… at the very least, it would be a lie to say that Dina Meyer’s breasts weren’t burned into my psyche, and who knows what damage that has wrought?

What about the rest of you adulthooders?

What movies or TV shows were the forbidden fruit of your youth, and did they stand the test of time?

(Photo via Dietrichthrall)

Has Feminism Ruined It for the Working Mother?

“Women do almost as well as men today, as long as they don’t have children.”

This week, New York Times writer David Leonhard wrote an interesting article about working mothers. His argument ties really nicely to the rousing discussion we had on Adulthood just a few weeks ago.

Leonhard sees the Supreme Court as an example of how working mothers are discriminated against in the workplace. He writes, “The last three men nominated to the Supreme Court have all been married and, among them, have seven children. The last three women — Elena Kagan, Sonia Sotomayor and Harriet Miers (who withdrew) — have all been single and without children. This little pattern makes the court a good symbol of the American job market.”

Leonhard goes on to highlight the disparity in salaries between men and women (on average, women make 23% less than men -- that is a lot) and he blames the economy for giving women very little options when it comes to career and family.

Leonhard writes that the time women take off for maternity leave and other parenting leave often closes off career paths and takes away opportunity for women to get promotions (and thus, higher pay).

Why is does it close off career paths?

Leonhard suggests it is a cultural phenomenon. He quotes Columbia Professor, Jane Walfogel, “American feminists made a conscious choice to emphasize equal rights and equal opportunities” says Walfogel, “but not to talk about policies that would address family responsibilities.” Leonhard contends that it is not sexism that creates gender equality in the workplace, but rather the consequences of “not following the old-fashion career path.” (i.e. taking time off work to birth a child)

Women with children are more likely to opt for flexible schedules, or work part time, or take more time off, he says. Until society and the economy stop viewing these options as a career-destroyer, Leonhard thinks not much will change.

Leonhard calls for open and honest dialogue about the demands of being a working parent (fathers and mothers alike), suggesting that this real dialogue may eventually change the workplace paradigm that punishes women for being mothers.

As Walfogel said, “Women do almost as well as men today, as long as they don’t have children.”

What do you think?

Can women have it all: a great job, a family, and a balanced life? Did the feminist push for equal rights in the workplace damage women’s opportunities to succeed as a full-time working parent? Do you agree or disagree with Leonhard’s claim? Let’s have a discussion! Sound off in the comments.

-Mara

(photo by *midtownsky* photostream via Flickr)

Wordless Wednesday: Adulthood is Freedom to Express

Notes on Adulthood: August 2

Every day we learn something....Making most of these lessons is how we keep growing....



1. Adulthood is having to plunge the toilet yourself.

2. Adulthood is adopting a kitten and finding out she has seizures, and then committing to pay hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars to diagnose and treat her.

3. Adulthood is complex emotions: this week, it is being the Maid of Honor in one of your best friend's weddings and crying as she says the vows because you are just so happy for her.

4. Adulthood is about making hard choices.

5. Adulthood is missing the FedEx too many times in a row and then having to drive 23 miles in traffic to the last exit in San Diego before the Mexico border to pick up your box.

6. Adulthood is drinking local wine in Sonoma, overlooking a vineyard and thinking, "I am grateful."

7. Adulthood is meeting people who are wiser and listening to the wisdom they offer you.


-Mara